In a stunning conspiracy designed to rid me of my money, I received a $76 dollar speeding ticket on the way to get my hair cut on Friday. This happened for two reasons. First, Google maps lied to me about where the salon was, saying that I needed to drive about 3 miles past where I actually needed to go. When the street I was driving on abruptly ended, I figured that I had been scammed, but I decided to push on anyway. I made the executive decision to turn right at a T intersection, which led me directly past a police officer who was apparently lying in wait like an alligator in a swamp (and behind a line of trees, I might add) for unsuspecting wayfarers to happen by. Cowardice. Secondly – and I actually went back to check this – there was no posted speed limit sign until about a quarter mile AFTER where I got pulled over.
So after Officer Squarenuts had the audacity to write me a ticket when I was clearly lost, (both my license and my tags are from Wisconsin) where there was no posted speed limit sign, he also had the nerve to give me a written warning for not having proof of insurance in my car. Fuck the police.
On the other hand, considering how flagrantly I disobey the speed limit every time I get behind the wheel, I should probably be happy that it’s taken me this long to get a ticket. This is my first citiation, despite having been pulled over two other times (for 14mph and 15mph over the limit, respectively). Also, at 10 over, this was the slowest I’ve ever been picked up for speeding. I have to feel like it almost wasn’t worth the officer’s time. Cops in suburban Iowa really must not have anything better to do. But really, if I can get away with paying a $76 debt to society every 5 or 6 years, I can’t really be that mad…
Lessons you can learn from my mistakes:
-Apparently it’s a law in Iowa that you must have current proof of insurance in your vehicle.
-Apparently, it’s also a law in Iowa that you have to intuit the speed limit, based only upon instinct, excellent theorizing, and guesswork.
-Never trust Google maps.
-The police are mean, sneaky bastards.
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